Healing

“You are my comfort in my affliction, for your word has given me life...”

Psalm 119:50

It happened that fateful afternoon. He was trying so hard to hide the pain he was feeling. But I could see it in his eyes. He forced a smile while his frail hand was holding my hand. He was trying to hold on to his dear life. Seeing him in such state is unbearable, the tears started to well in my eyes but I can’t let him see  that. With all the courage I could muster, I kissed his sweating forehead, looked at him lovingly with a smile and said “I know you’re too tired now, kuya (brother) ... I understand... take a rest... your family will be well taken cared of...” He smiled at me. And he slowly closed his eyes. I let out a loud cry.

That was the last time my family ever saw me cry. My father and then my brother. Two members of the family gone. Way too painful. I was so angry inside. It’s way beyond my understanding.

No one is ever prepared for the grief that is to come when you lose someone dear. You go through all sorts  of emotions: shock, denial stage and denial stage still and then the blame. We question the reason behind it all. We say it’s not fair.  Acceptance is hard to come by.

I’ve met quite a few people who are further down the road of grief. These are the same people who thought that they’re not going to get over it. But they did. In fact, during those moments that we sit down and talk, I once asked my sister-in-law how she was coping with the loss of my brother. She replied that tears tend to well her eyes these days rather than tears rolling down through her face. For her, she said, that’s a measure of healing. How  she accurately described it when one is travelling down the road towards healing. While it may take time to be completely healed, we are comforted with the thought that we will get there eventually. That we are not alone. That just as when we tend to question the things that are happening in our lives, Someone up there knows the purpose.

I should have written this a couple of years back. But it took me sometime. I may have talked about it in part but no one really ever knew what I really went through as they are all bottled up inside. Would I want to write something that is too personal and something that I am yet to come to terms with? Difficult.  But I now did. I have taken the path towards healing.

When you know someone going through a certain grief, you don’t have to say anything if you’re at a loss for words. Just sit beside him and be a friend. To that person, it’s more than enough.

“Lord our Father, human as we are, we are susceptible to pain. May we always be reminded that in times of pain and sorrow, You are our comfort, our shelter, our refuge and strength. Let every breath, all that we are never cease to believe in you.”