Paskong hindi ka kasama

Pasko na naman... ngunit wala ka pa... hanggang kailan kaya ako maghihintay sa iyo...

There goes that classic Filipino Christmas song. It's not about the joy of celebrating Christmas. This song tells about the longing of one for the one that left, the one that got away, or for the one that's been taking so long to come in his life.

First time I heard this song was way back in University days. I was way too young, naive about the joys and the pains of being in love. But way back then, the lyrics of the song struck a chord right into my heart. I can't explain.

And when I fell in love, had my first boyfriend, that song still has that same effect that I felt the first time. I feel melancholy everytime I hear it. So even when I'm in a relationship, have  broken up with my boyfriend and went into a relationship again, and now that my relationship seems to be going nowhere, the feeling for this song is still the same.

Any why do I feel that way? I know the answer. Out of all the relationships I had, nothing lasted. Nothing was for keeps. I ended up being broken hearted and even now, I don't know what to expect. Make it work or not make it work. Hold onto it or to let go and move on. I always go into the battlefield, with wounded heart and all, and each time thinking positive that what I have is for keeps.

I'm preparing myself. In fact, the past few weeks got me into thinking. I think I'm fine not having a relationship right now. I think I will be okay. I think I will find some ways to be happy. I think I'm cool with that. But I think... I'm going to cry buckets of tears  and will take a while to heal my broken heart.

I don't want to be alone in life. I keep on praying that someone will come along and forever stay in my life and we'll grow old together. I want that--ardently.

Will he listen to me? Will he grant me my wish? I'm positive.

Lord, teach me to be patient. Teach me not to further question your will and plans for me. I know you have beautiful plans for me. Plans that will make me prosper and make me happy. Your timing is always perfect. For you are my awesome God. And I am one of your favourites.